Chapter 6:

Consider the Ravens – Dustin Kensrue

I've got bills to pay
Taxman on my tail
Just keep prayin' that
The check's in the mail

Castiel had seen many things in his long existence. He had been there when Lucifer had tried for the throne and been castout by Michael. He had watched as the seals were forged in angelic arrogance one by one to keep him in his cage. When Adam had been cast from Eden and again when divine wrath had flooded the earth, he had borne witness. Since the moment of his creation he had followed orders and he hadn't questioned.

Even when he had been assigned to earth and put under Ariel's tutelage, Ariel who believed that true faith came from questioning, he had followed. It was his purpose. It wasn't until thousands of years later, when humanity had unwittingly lost its way and Azazel once again walked the earth had he felt a prickle of doubt.

His orders came from angels higher in the hierarchy than he was but perhaps they were no closer to the word of God than man was. After Ariel had disappeared, fallen, and heaven had refused to search Castiel had embraced the questions his superior had whispered in his ear.

She had been one of the few to speak to God, she understood their creator as much as one could but it was the will of heaven she had fought against. But unlike Castiel, Ariel had had the authority to back her if she decided not to follow an order.

Any angel that wanted to descend to the earthly plane answered to her, it was her dominion. And it was her who they now blamed for the seals being broken.

It didn't matter that they had abandoned her to whatever fate could have befallen her. The planning that was resulting in so many seals being broken did not come into existence only in the time after her fall. Castiel had never been so disgusted by the host.

He pressed his forehead against that of the human form before him as they had when times passing had wore on them. Mortal brown eyes stared into those of his host but it was Ariel that was looking through him.

There are times it seems
When everything's lost
Now I'm moaning, I'm tossed
And I see..

Liz. Ariel.

The woman wiped the water from her face and met her reflection. So this was a human life. This is what she had fought and bled and tempted death for. What she had spent thousands of years protecting. Such a peculiar thing.

Liberating in its choice. Constrained in its scope.

So little. So much. So confusing.

She wasn't sure who she was at the moment. She wasn't Liz. The body was and a very small percentage of the memories were but she wasn't the human woman she had been a day before. Nor was she Ariel. She wasn't an archangel, her dominion wasn't earth, her grace was gone and she couldn't achieve her true form. There were only memories of what she had once been.

Dark and dangerous and not meant for humans.

She had never felt guilty about some of the things she'd done until now.

Between the river and the ravens I'm fed
Between oblivion and the blazes I'm led
So father give me faith, providence and grace
Between the river and ravens I'm fed
Sweet deliver, oh you lift up my head
And lead me in your way

She took a deep breath and tried to find a medium between the people she had been. There was Liz and there was Ariel and despite millions of years of memories, she didn't know how to reconcile the two. She had too many ties keeping her humanity alive to let Liz fade into nothing but brief set of a memories in a long existence. There was too much riding on Ariel to ignore the otherworldly in her.

Too much to do to allow for inner turmoil. Too much at risk to spend time bring peace to the two halves.

Once again she opened her mouth to try and explain her existence.

“Archangels, we're fierce. Absolute. In the choir there are none more terrifying than us,” Dean winced and she wasn't sure if it was at the idea that a force such as the one she served in had existed the whole time he had suffered or if it was because his wife was including herself in their number. “We are heavens most dangerous weapons capable of wielding the fieriest wrath.”

Like she had know, Sam was the one to break the silence, “Where have these archangels been? With all the demons we've faced we're have they been.”

“It is not our job to fight human wars.”

“They're demons!”

“And they were human once. You have to understand, demons have their own choir. The Morning Star would not have had it any other way. Except instead of the Lord at the top, he is. The demons you've faced, the ones with black eyes. They used to be human and, for all but the first, they are too low on the food chain for us to get involved. It's only the other ones, the former angels, are we allowed to interfere. And even then there are rules.”

“What about Azazel?”

She nodded and flinched. There was too much pain wrapped in that name, “He was an angel at one time.”

“And you left him,” there was venom in Sam's voice and it tried the patience of her angelic nature. The human in her empathized but that part was small and too easy to push away.

Despite the growing distance between who she was and the human she had been it was easy enough to let the biologically driven anger to override Ariel's serene countenance, “Why do you think I had my grace ripped out?”

He paused even as Dean finally showed some curiosity in the discussion, “Do you know?”

“I know.”

I've grown sick and tired
Of trying to stand still
I've learned to let the wind
Blow me where it will

There were few in the choir who had the authority to speak for heaven. Even fewer who could call them all together. Ariel, as one of the Almighty's favorites, had once had that power but trapped in a human form she had to rely on the one who had taken her place to call the appointment.

Azrael. Michael. Gabriel. Raphael. Samael. Zadkiel. Ariel.

Zachariah.

Uriel.

The seven who have stood in the presence of the Lord. The one who was meant to watch over earth and the human on it. And the one who bore the divine wrath unquestioningly into the war.

In heaven or on earth there was no council as terrible as the one in that room.

Castiel was unsure why himself or Uriel were allowed to stay. They were foot soldiers, never before included in any meeting of this nature. Nor had they been in the presence of all of the seven at the same time. Few were privy to their meetings. They met to plan war and to see that the Lords will was fulfilled. But now they met to question one of their own number: The human Ariel who didn't know where her grace was but who held heavens secrets in her fragile human mind. If ever there was a tempting target for the demons, she was it.

“Do you remember who it is who made you fall,” it was Azrael, the voice as cool and calculating in its human host as it was in its true form.

Ariel nodded and began listing those they had hoped not to hear of again once they had been cast out. The highest choir of demons. The ones who would wage war on heaven once more if all the seals were broken.

“Mammon, Asmodeus, Leviathan, Azazel, and of course Lilith was there to watch.”

“They go to far,” Ariel looked at Uriel as if he was an unusual oddity and not one who had fought under her command.

“That is... amusing coming from you.”

Castiel watched the human walk to his fellow angel, her hand discretely wrapped around the sword he had given her himself. He'd seen her wield it as an archangel and he'd seen her swing it at him as a human but he hadn't seen her use it on another angel since the war.

She leaned into Uriel, her voice low but carrying a strength that was only an echo of what it had once been, “You've lost the faith old friend.”

And the room erupted in white light.

Throw myself into
The will of the wait
I can never be great
'til we're free

There were times in a persons life when they had to question every action they had taken and the direction they were headed in. Most people called it being at an impasse, unsure of which way to go even as they where on their way.

Sam had always fought against the tide. At least until Jessica had been murdered.

After she was gone, all he'd thought about was revenge. He needed to kill Azazel for what the demon had done to his mother and to his girlfriend. After Azazel, there'd been no rest because Dean just had to make that stupid deal. Lilith had become the new Azazel and there had been nothing left to hold him back. He was a fighter, throwing himself into finding the monster that had killed his brother.

No one, not Liz with her recriminations nor Nate with his infectious smile, could stop him. Until now. Until that safe, lived in sitting room he'd been thrown out of once before. Liz had said it was how demons had come to be. Lucifer twisting a human until they were lost to hatred, greed, and perversion.

The devil had created a perfect minion. Lilith. The first of her kind but not the last. All it had taken was the creative mind of a angelic sociopath and some blood. A little blood to make it all possible.

When Castiel had explained to Dean that his desperate bid to get off the rack had been the first seal, he'd watched his brother crumble and thought him weak. Sam ran his hands through his hair trying to shake away the shame and disgust and the last words whispered into his ear by a woman that wasn't just his sister-in-law anymore.

“I know what you've been doing Sam. I can smell it on you,” he could feel her breath on his cheek. The death laced in its warmth. She'd been an archangel. She had blood on her hands and God at her back. He'd felt his heart stutter. “You need to get in line or we will have to put you down. Do you understand Sam?”

He understood because she had put down Uriel after leaving him and his brother to their thoughts, and she had done it without blinking. He understood because she had told him in words he'd never expected to hear, without any emotion in her voice. She'd told him exactly what he was becoming. Exactly what it meant.

Dean had been the first seal.

Sam was the last.

Between the river and the ravens I'm fed
Between oblivion and the blazes I'm led
So father give me faith, providence and grace
Between the river and ravens I'm fed
Sweet deliver, oh you lift up my head
And lead me in your way

Dean watched as his wife, if that was what she still was, placed a hand on Castiel's arm before leaving him with the rest of the monosyllabic drones. While he could easily pick up a dozen changes between her now and from before she remembered Ariel, at least she hadn't completely turned into one of them.

She sat next to him and he reached for her but only met empty air. That stung more than he would admit.

“I suppose you want answers.”

“That'd be nice.”

“You were meant to be one of mine Dean,” he stared at her, his features hard. That wasn't his wife talking. “A human incarnation of an angelic soldier. Divine origin without divine grace. We've only created them once before. The first time the demons tried to break the seals I was given permission to interfere with the creation of human life. We given very strict instructions about that.”

“So I'm an angel.”

“No. You're a warrior, a being between a human and an angel. You have free will and can go where we are kept from but you were supposed to have our... my guidance but Azazel got in the way. He always was a dramatic bastard.”

“So what? I was just tossed aside?”

“No-”

“You want me to fight now. Be a good little soldier.”

“Yes. No. Dean-”

“Which one is it?”

“Calm down Dean.”

“You just told be I've been tapped as some holy weapon and you want me to be calm?!”

Petite arms wrapped around his waist and he felt the frustration drain out of him, “I'm sorry.”

Although I'm walking through
The valley of the shadow of death
Evils all around
It's coming from the right and the left

What Dean and Sam didn't understand about the nature of the Lord was that She was not a tangible figure. She was nature and everything in it. The good, the evil, the creative, and the destructive. She knew everything because She was everything. There were very few times that She took on a single physical form since She preferred to instead let the world take its course without Her interference. She had created all of existence and left it to her creations to care for.

Unless the angels failed, She would not take action.

Liz looked over at Michael where he was standing next to her both of them watching the sun slowly move down the horizon. When a person had all of eternity, time held no meaning. It was ironic that now they had so little of it.

“Samael is searching for your grace. He believes he will find it shortly,” she couldn't hold back the wince and Michael saw it. “Do you not want to return to heaven?”

“It's more complicated than just going home. I have a son Michael. Not a Nephilim but a human boy. Did you think I could abandon him?”

“Your son will play his part.”

“If any of you try and possess Nathaniel I will kill you myself,” there was more venom in her voice than she thought was possible. But she would kill anyone, of heaven or hell, who went near him.

“We are at war.”

“And I am trying.”

“It is not enough,” they glared at each other. Well, Liz glared and Michael studied her through shuttered eyes.

“Do you think I chose this Michael? You have no idea the amount of suffering and self-doubt is involved with being a human.”

“You will be an angel again soon enough,” her whole body shook with anger that was getting her nowhere. There were reasons angels did not react to stimuli as humans did.

“We have more pressing problems then finding my grace,” he gave her a curt nod of agreement. “We need to purge the ranks. There are more traitors in our midst.”

“Of this I have no doubt.”

There was almost a thread of excitement in his voice. Michael always did love a good fight.

Trust that I will see
The glory above
Oh, your banner of love
Flies over me

Liz crawled into their bed and pulled the covers over them as she snuggled into her husbands side. She was human, she needed rest even if her mind was buzzing and demanding that she not rest. Angels didn't rest not even when the job was done. She hummed slightly, her fingers drawing pictures on Dean's chest. Designs lost to time.

She finished one loop and lead it into another. One day, they could save his life. If only there was time to show him. He should have known them long ago.

“I don't want you to leave,” she stilled her hand letting it rest against his heart.

“I don't want to leave,” he pulled her tight letting images of other nights where they had laid just as they were run through her head. “I don't know what to do Dean. It was my charge to keep the Demons in hand and I failed.”

“This isn't all on you. Where were the rest of them?”

“It wasn't their job. Azazel was mine. I threw him out. I was to keep earth safe.”

“Liz...”

“You don't get it. I was an archangel Dean. I wasn't this magnificent source of light. I was darkness and death and destruction,” a humorless laugh escaped her lips. “Did you know that in some lore I'm a demon?”

“They can fight without you.”

She picked up her head, her brown eyes connecting with his green, “I don't want to leave you. I want to stay and see Nate grow and spend every night here with you but I can turn the tide in this war. I know them. I've kept them at bay for thousands of years. I can do this. It's what She would want me to.”

“How do you know there's even a God to fight for?”

“Because I've been in Her presence and She would not want the destruction that would befall us all if Lucifer walks free.”

Between the river and the ravens I'm fed
Between oblivion and the blazes I'm led
So father give me faith, providence and grace
Between the river and ravens I'm fed
Sweet deliver, oh you lift up my head
And lead me in your way